Flagging Off!

Hi,
Well I'm a bit late in joining this blogging phenomena...I know being a techie and a fundu IT guy, it just doesn't suit me but then every time I thought of publishing a blog, my laziness got the better of me. I hated typing (still do so...) and just feel it's a waste of time to punch in the keys when you have a mind processing a million thoughts every minute.
But today I have broken all shackles and decided that no matter what, I am gonna maintain a blog of mine where I can honestly pen down (rather type down ;) ) all the things that I feel had/have/will have a bearing on my persona, events that have taught me how to be a better human being and most importantly people that have influenced me in some way or the other.

And being the 1st weekend of the new year, its the perfect time to start off my blog...not any resolution as such; just a coincidence.

Well I would be pinning down 2 thoughts here; and both belong to some very recent events that have happened:

1> Determination: No overdoses

Honestly, if there's one thing that I take pride in myself, it has to be the grit that Ive always shown when it really mattered the most.
Since I joined my 1st job, unfortunately, I was always considered by my bosses as somebody "who hasnt shown active interest in work". I agree that I might not have met their expectations but then...whenever somebody tells me that I did not do this, I could not do that, my blood boils down until it starts evaporating.
Time n again, casually or in meetings, I was chided by my team mates for the same reason. The last meeting that we had in the 2nd week of December was the instigator - my TL said, "Chintan you have resolved only 4 issues in the entire week...thats an average of less than 1/day. I am expecting much more from you now" Thats when I decided that's enough.
The funda in my project is such that every quarter-end is one hectic period for the entire team and a huge amount of work comes in from the client.
I started taking up issues on my own, not waiting for anybody to assign them to me. And with the help of my mentor (who left the project right after), I put up an eye-popping figure of 44 issues in 7 days!
That was enough to prove myself; I did not say anything, I did not retort back but my team mates spread this news and it soon was appreciated by my team lead. Mr. TL, thanks for bringing out the best in me, in whatever way you did!
There have been many such incidents in my life where once I decided I am gonna do this, nobody, just NO DAMN SOUL could stop me. I'll shed light on them in future posts!

2> Women: Bet if even GOD understands them

[Disclaimer: All characters and events mentioned below are fictitious and purely rendition of my imagination. Any resemblance to any person, events is just coincidental and not at all intentional.]

Well, I have always been a person who has this knack of understanding what's going on in people's minds...but for reasons unknown to me, I always fail when I try to figure out this creation of the Almighty called a 'woo-man'.
I've been unlucky in the past when it comes to establishing a relationship with women; and the reason again is, I just dont seem to understand them: what they think, what they show, what they want, WHAT THE HECK!!! There was a girl during my teenage days who I thought could have been a great friend of mine but then, I dunno why, her behavior just put me off. We were just friends but I liked her.Finally I decided that I am not going to get into this maze ever in my life!

But a couple of months ago, I met this another girl who seemed quite charming and interesting. I was very apprehensive at first about befriending her, coz I just did not want to spoil the great 2007 I had in all dimensions, be it acads, career, health, etc. But she was very friendly, and until I realized, I had struck the perfect chord with her; I started enjoying her company in our travels back from work - in the bus or my car that I sometimes got to office. She just could not stop chatting, was a total glib. I just found her to be amazing, a very mature and responsible girl who knew how to take the world in her stride. She talked wisdom and displayed intelligence. I felt even she liked being with me, talking to me, getting annoyed at my pranks and crackshots at her. What I loved the most about her was her smile: just perfect. Every song that I played in my stereo system, on my guitar reminded me of her. I just didnt understand where it was heading.

Many times, she tried to find out if i was seeing anybody, by asking,browsing my cellphone and doing all the crap detective work that girls usually do. But Ive always been an honest guy, I never lie to anybody coz I am not afraid of anyone in this world except GOD. I always tell people that before lying, just evaluate the outcome before and after the great work you will be doing - what maximum damage can it have? Im sure no truth will kill you. So why be dishonest with anybody, most importantly, with you? I told her that I have never been in any relationship ever and Ive lived happily till date.

When I asked her straightforwardly if she was seeing anybody, she said 'NO'. I thought then if we really gel well, we could have a wonderful friendship. With time, I realized that I just couldnt get her outta my head. But still, I always felt at the back of my mind that she had/has somebody in her life. So I decided that this wont go any further;I just couldnt bear another heartbreak. And at the same time, I just cannot figure out why, she started avoiding me - did not pick up calls, no replies to messages, no cute "Hi's" in the IM window.....I could easily make out that she was behaving weirdly. Every talk of her's was carefully worded, planned, just not what she was initially.

I really cared for her, whenever she was down, felt low, I tried to cheer her up. As a good friend, I always thought it was my duty to help he out in whatever means I could. I tried asking her several times if there was any problem but she just brushed these questions off. And I could easily catch those stupid lies and excuses that girls give. And this strengthened my belief that there HAS TO BE someone in her life for sure.
I never tried forcing myself in her life; always I respected her views/opinions/stand and tried to just be good friends, that's it. I never ostentatiously expressed my feelings for her in any way. If she felt intimidated by my approach, I feel hurt that she just could not understand me.  I know I was true, honest and right and my GOD knows that.

If that's still not the case, then I just do not want to befriend somebody who is so dishonest, who feels that I can be taken for granted.

I know I am being very hasty to reach this conclusion but honestly I am a very sensitive guy and just don't want to pursue something that I will never achieve, more importantly I don't want to deviate fruitlessly away from my career goal - and that is to land in US after 6 months and continue with my education. This does not mean that I would not have liked having someone special seeing me off and after 2 years returning to find her with open arms! Oh my, what a great feeling would that be!

And now I have decided that I'll again go back to my whiteboard and scrub out the beautiful designs I had made in anticipation, Ill again be the normal fun-loving guy whose life was a smooth flowing rivulet before all this crap started.

I still have feelings for her and if she ever realizes them, I will be more than overjoyed to have her back - and will kick myself for the zillion misunderstandings that I might have harbored (although in our commonplace talks, I always insisted that one should always be frank with people and not give them any chance of misunderstanding things).

But if not, then there is 1 thing that I shall ask GOD to give me in life: immunity from love, dunno y ppl call it the most beautiful expression of life , bloody hell. They say that if you are a good person, honest, true, sincere then your love will definitely prevail, all bullshit. I've never touched a cigarette, have never sipped alcohol, have never casually touched a woman ever in my life, have never talked dirty in front of them. Ive always respected them and have believed that all women have their dignity as their prized possession.
If even after all this, my relationships dont mature then I can openly say that "Thanks boss, I am happy to be single and JUST NOT READY TO MINGLE, STAY AWAY!"
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Do they give any awards for displaying creativity & imagination in blogs? ;)

Then I think I could be a good contender, wat say? OR maybe Yash Chopra could take my services as a script writer...hehehe.....Hope you liked my 1st post! Keep coming back!