Dhanteras!

Well, right now I am on my way back to College Station from Houston. Actually, this time I came on Thursday, a day sooner than my usual trips. I got a opportunity to be with mumma a bit more, so I grabbed it with both hands. Did not have any class on friday and had found a ride on Thursday evening. Though I have just left, my countdown for next friday has already started. It feels so boring to go back. Honestly I find it very ironical but I feel that if I come every week, I find it very depressing to go back. Aren't I lucky that I have mom, bro and bhabhi who I meet so often? But I feel tht if I would have been left at my own fate, with nobody around, I would have handled myself much better. You know, you get used to living alone. What I am going through is like...departing from home every week, just like people depart from India for US. I don't understand how to take it.
Anyway, today is Dhanteras, the 1st day of Diwali celebrations in India. Here, its darkness all around. People here are celebrating Halloween. Crap! Frightening people instead of spreading happiness. Bhabhi's cousin, who also lives in Houston had invited us for gayatri puja at her place. It felt good to at least have a puja this Diwali. Else, it just doesn't feel like Diwali here.
Also, I played guitar here, after a long time...just don't feel like playing it. I have lost interest in this place and everything here. Bro sang and I played, it was good fun.
By the way, dad is coming to Houston on 12th December. We will then be going on a trip to Los Angeles, Las Vegas and San Franscisco. I am really looking forward to it; some good moments that I shall be spending after coming here! But before that, I have a whole 40-45 days of assignments, homeworks, tests, presentations...man, I hope time flies by!

Friday evening again!

It's a kind of an analogy but Friday's are a time I Iook out for because that's when i head to Houston, just like people here get exited for getting time to hit the pubs and bars. I wonder how would people exist here it there were no Fridays! On all other 4 weekdays, everybody hardly looks 'in the mood' but when you see them on fridays, they seem so ebullient!
Anyway, I sometimes feel that I should give driving test soon. Brother has kept a car ready for me, but I hardly can find time to study. Yes, we have to study for driving tests here. But I also feel that I usually get a to and fro ride for $16 which would be equivalent to gas expenses for my own car. THis Chinese dude that I've found is a good find for my rides. Moreover, once I get a car, I'm sure people around in College Station would pester me for rides to Walmarts and HEBs for shopping. Also, I have a roommate who's dying to drive here and if I get a car, he'll surely ask for it on many occasions. Though I love driving, I can live without it for another 15 months.
I don't have anything much to write about today. I am listening to songs of the golden era on my lappy and they are so soothing. 'Maine tere liye hi saat rang ke...', 'Meet na mila re man ka...', 'Kahin door jab din dhal jaaye...', 'Teri bindiya re...'., etc. I just love this 1 1/2 hour drive when I do this logging with such music playing!
Oh ya...the weather here has changed so suddenly...it's become very chilly since the last 2 days. The temperature hovers around 55 deg but because it's so windy, it feels very cold. I took out my woolens already. With each week passing by, I feel 'Oh great! 1 more week gone from my duration of stay here!' Hehe...though it's so insignificant considering the number of weeks that I'll be here but it feels good. I tried a lot but I could not find even a single person who I can call a good friend here. I know you might say that's not possible but it is. I am quite choosy about the friends that I make and I've had a number of very good friends in Mumbai, who really justify the definition of a friend. But here, everybody comes for one's own self and is always at loggerheads with others for marks, grades, internships, jobs, etc. Though competition does exist, but it should not be overtly expressed man! When you do something good, people look at you as if "Saala isko mila, mujhe nahi". And I say in my mind "Maro jaake, mera dimag mat khao. Why the hell don't care about what you did not get rather than what I got???. And this is aggravated by the huge number (90%) of Indian population in my batch. And they bring their chindhi Indian mentality here too. I really appreciate Americans in this regard. They come to class, study, do their own work, get their fruits and go away without meddling into other's lives.
Well by the way, other things that I like about these Amrus are: They smile at you when they pass by even if they don't know you. Everybody does that here. Also, they are quite helpful. But the worst thing here is that they don't know if there's a world outside America. They think about their own selves and feel that whatever they do is right. But still, the culture here is something I cannot adjust to at all, no matter how much I try. I cannot willingly adapt myself to something which is inferior to what I've lived with. Some people may say that I am too rigid but these are my beliefs. I dont like to take the downward stairs in my life and climb a ladder where there's no peace of mind.
Alright then, I shall stop here. Working on the notebook in a moving car makes me dizzy. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.......

Another weekend and back home!

This is one of the very few thngs that give me happiness and respite here...Going home and staying with people who care for you and do not look at you with green eyes which happens in plenty in my apartment and in campus. I just don't understand why don't people do their own work and don't meddle with what I do/get/achieve/gain while I study. It was the thing that frustated me the most while I was doing my Diploma and undergraduation in India. And I will have to face the same thing until Dec 09. Otherwise too, there are not many things that one can get happiness from when one gets into a masters program from a university like A&M. There's hardly any source of entertainment, and it's very difficult to find time to enjoy those few that are. Well, there are some for people who are into clubbing/boozing/smoking and stuff. But I stay away from such places.

Well, by the way, I'm again in a Chinese dude's car...it seems I will have made more Chinese friends here than others. And I've decided that if my blog is to be updated, this is the time when I'll do it, during my trips to&fro Houston. Mom has finally found some work in Houston. She is doing what she is best at - teaching computers...She has found some people who are willing to learn, at the temple where she used to go daily to pass some time. Sadly, this also means that mumma won't be able to stay with me more than one more time before she goes back :( Everyday, I feel "Why did I choose to come here? I kick myself for putting myself in a position where I cannot pat my back for taking a good decision. I always prided in myself for taking all right decisions (important ones) in life before this. Though I always feared that a bad decision would not be easy to digest for the first time. But this choice should not have been 'that first one'. Anyway, I need to stand by it and get the most out of it.
Ahha.... there would be 1 good thing to look forward to this weekend...There's a Navratri garba organized by the Gujarati samaj of Houston and we will be going there. Though I don't play dandiya/garba much, I am still looking forward to it - one such event outside India is worth the effort and money!

Swades...Pardes...What???

Yes, that's the exact question I'm thinking more about, the more I'm staying here. I wonder what people will tell me when they find me back in India in January 2010. Before leaving, many told me that if I ever remembered India, I should watch Swades. But I ambitiously denied saying that I would never feel coming back. By then I had developed such a bad feeling for my country.

Alas! I never did imagine that I would be in such a conundrum here. It's been more than 2 months and I'm like "Money, solitude, drink, sex, party, etc. that's 90% of what all is here. And I'm one of those who's much different. I don't even give a damn about these things. And for that reason, I don't want to spend the rest of my life cribbing about the bad decision that I would take if I decide to settle down here.

I wonder why people say that "You can always come back after working for 2-3 years". Man, that's ridiculous! Why the hell should I spend precious times of my life doing something which I won't like and not doing things which I love to.

Is there any reason why I should 'go with the flow'??? I have always charted my own path in whatever I've done. I have never gone with the herd. My decision to come here was also something that I had taken on my own. I had taken this 'chance' that if things go well, I shall stay back. But it does not mean that things WILL go well. They haven't, unlike what I had thought of. So that's fine. I don't regret at all. I know that if I start working here, just for earning some quick money, against my wishes, I won't be able to put my best because that's not what I want to do. And it's not easy to do what one does not like. Money will come, where will it go? And I shall make it come, staying in India. Life is too short and unpredictable to waste. I want to live every moment.

Mummy, I'll always be there for you. You have sacrificed a zillion things for me. ANd when my turn comes, should I shy away? I've seen you longing for brother when he came here. I've seen you cry when he did not answer even a single call of yours. I've seen you losing sleep over the same. I don't want to put you through all this once again. No way. And I firmly believe in GOD. 'Man proposes, GOD disposes' right? Yes. Whatever happens, happens for good. I am more than happy that I got this opportunity to pursue my masters from one of the best universities in the US, which not many people get. I got a chance to meet people from around the world. I learnt how to adjust, how to live on my own, how to cook (which I would never have if I never came here) and I became all the more responsible than what I prided myself in earlier.

And moreover, I shall be visiting many places in the US which would be great fun. I've already been to a few. But there's no life here. So India, watch out! MY second innings is gonna start soon! And it's going to be one to watch out! CeeGee WILL BE BACK...AND BACK WITH A BANG!

Well, then, I shall pause this logging here as I'm nearing Houston. Yes, it's a friday and I'm going 'home' to Houston for the weekend. I'm in a Chini's car and he's dropping me off. I've been back home many time earlier, mostly with Chinese people...it's a good experience!