Swades...Pardes...What???

Yes, that's the exact question I'm thinking more about, the more I'm staying here. I wonder what people will tell me when they find me back in India in January 2010. Before leaving, many told me that if I ever remembered India, I should watch Swades. But I ambitiously denied saying that I would never feel coming back. By then I had developed such a bad feeling for my country.

Alas! I never did imagine that I would be in such a conundrum here. It's been more than 2 months and I'm like "Money, solitude, drink, sex, party, etc. that's 90% of what all is here. And I'm one of those who's much different. I don't even give a damn about these things. And for that reason, I don't want to spend the rest of my life cribbing about the bad decision that I would take if I decide to settle down here.

I wonder why people say that "You can always come back after working for 2-3 years". Man, that's ridiculous! Why the hell should I spend precious times of my life doing something which I won't like and not doing things which I love to.

Is there any reason why I should 'go with the flow'??? I have always charted my own path in whatever I've done. I have never gone with the herd. My decision to come here was also something that I had taken on my own. I had taken this 'chance' that if things go well, I shall stay back. But it does not mean that things WILL go well. They haven't, unlike what I had thought of. So that's fine. I don't regret at all. I know that if I start working here, just for earning some quick money, against my wishes, I won't be able to put my best because that's not what I want to do. And it's not easy to do what one does not like. Money will come, where will it go? And I shall make it come, staying in India. Life is too short and unpredictable to waste. I want to live every moment.

Mummy, I'll always be there for you. You have sacrificed a zillion things for me. ANd when my turn comes, should I shy away? I've seen you longing for brother when he came here. I've seen you cry when he did not answer even a single call of yours. I've seen you losing sleep over the same. I don't want to put you through all this once again. No way. And I firmly believe in GOD. 'Man proposes, GOD disposes' right? Yes. Whatever happens, happens for good. I am more than happy that I got this opportunity to pursue my masters from one of the best universities in the US, which not many people get. I got a chance to meet people from around the world. I learnt how to adjust, how to live on my own, how to cook (which I would never have if I never came here) and I became all the more responsible than what I prided myself in earlier.

And moreover, I shall be visiting many places in the US which would be great fun. I've already been to a few. But there's no life here. So India, watch out! MY second innings is gonna start soon! And it's going to be one to watch out! CeeGee WILL BE BACK...AND BACK WITH A BANG!

Well, then, I shall pause this logging here as I'm nearing Houston. Yes, it's a friday and I'm going 'home' to Houston for the weekend. I'm in a Chini's car and he's dropping me off. I've been back home many time earlier, mostly with Chinese people...it's a good experience!